music mind mash

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
life is a maze and love is a riddle.
the broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time.
Don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not
And baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
but you put on quite a show, really had me going.
Now that it's all said and done I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down like an old abandoned house.
You tell me your life's been way offline
you're falling to pieces every time.
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same.
But
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone.

Something

Someone told me there is something somewhere for everyone which that someone eventually some how finds.
But what it is, where it's located, How to get there. Nobody knows; Such are the mysteries of life. What a life.
I wonder what that something is that everyone around the world is telling someone about, maybe it's carefree life.
Maybe it is a ray of life sparkles because a glittery life is always the better option, or maybe this something is nothing.
Until that day when I find this something somewhere that someone told me about, I'll be here. My somewhere with little somethings.

I am a Star

Well, here I am, sitting in front of my laptop at 10:19a.m. blogging instead of studying for an exam I am ever so unprepared for; Some how, it doesn't bother me. Nothing seems to bother me and I don't think it's a good thing. I see myself turning oblivious to the world around me and not batting my eye lid a time extra, for anyone. Whether its something I did to myself, or it's the circumstances that took the better of me and this was the only solution, I cannot really tell. You know that feeling, when the pain as abyss as the valley of darkness-unexpected, unforeseen, that immeasurable, epitomizing pain, takes over your view towards everything? NUMB.
Yes, that's what i feel-numb;to the narrowest passage in my body. It hurts so much yet doesn't hurt at all. A part of me seems to die, for each day that I need to put on that mask of happiness and live in false pretense because the world loves looks that are deceiving. Mine, deceiving them indeed.
As much as it hurts to plaster a smile, it takes an equivalent sum of energy to go on an emotional binge that no one around you wants to see and to top it all, knowing that you are being judged through the entire scenario.
Alone Together. Alone, with no one else in our world yet together with each other. The one sentence that could describe all that it was whilst it was. I loved it, every moment, every second and there is no denying that, there is not a single thing in this world that can remove or tamper with any of those memories. No, not even now. It was something special, something like no other, something so envied, so looked upon with awe by those who longed and those who lost. Now I'm in that line that lost. I guess it wasn't a story of 'Happily ever after' but more of a 'Happy while it lasts'.
I think I can find the parts of me that I lost along the way, revive those bits that are numb, cure the bits that are bleeding and maybe even find new bits to fill in the extra space. I have not lost hope and I am certain of that. This is just my time off to heal..

...to become even brighter than the star I was.

words.

non stop. paddle pop. gum drops. sticky mops.
words. random. vague.
certain. specific. meaningful.
happy scene. smiles. laughter. rolling.
tears. crying. sad scene.
fear. disappointment. uncertainty.
pain. hurt. sorrow.
time. fate. destiny.
ambiguous. confusion. dilemma.
muddle. puddle. lost.
hurdles. obstacles. ego.
fear. contempt. anger.
rage. fume. tears.
growth. flowering. maturity.  
Apologies. tears. Forgiveness?

Bursting Balloons

Little did I know that balloons could pop with air!
So, it was one of my closest friend's birthday today and she really wanted helium filled balloons. Susanna and I, being the kindest souls we are, rode all the way from home to cubbon park.Found the balloon man missing.Got his number.Called him.Tracked him down.Bought balloons. Then STOP.

Well, not stop but almost. Us, the two happening individuals, riding at the speed of 60 had to drop to 16 to keep the balloons from popping.Braving nature-nothing but a segment of fantasy.We didn't succeed completely, but only 3 popped out of 20, so props to us!
Ammu absolutely loved it and couldn't believe it. You really should have seen the awe and happiness glistening off her face;it made all the effort worth it.
We ate, we laughed, we ate some more!
Chocolate cake. mac and cheese. cheesy fries.
then to some good music, some funny music and some bizarre videos.
beer for them, cheers for us.

Today was a fun day!
Happy Birthday Ammu! <3

Life Is A Beach

There comes a time they say, when you realize, all that matters is not what is around but that what is within.

Now with that killer line for a start and some attention grabbing, let me go back to  my mediocre, amateur writing.I never knew the power of emotion or the magnitude of the effect it can have on an individual until most recently. No, I do not live in a cave and make conversation with bats at wee hours of the night that I have had no experience of emotion or that I have not been with others through emotional turmoil. I have, I live a perfectly normal life, with perfectly normal people around me... well most of them, and do all the normal things that normal people do; unless if they are weird things that I think are normal, then I'm a normal person in my world of weirdos.cheers to that!
Anyway, getting back to what I was saying, yes. I have seen my friends be in pain, pain from failure, pain from loss, pain from heart break or sometimes even that pain you feel but have absolutely no idea why you feel it? yes, even that.through all that, I have been there, watched, sympathized but never actually knew the depth of emotion that they felt.
Maybe I was not mature enough, or maybe I was oblivious.I have always been the repressive type. I don't feel cause I don't let myself feel.To me feeling is positive one second; the second you enjoy the look of that bright caramel coated cherry on top of your sundae; but once you eat it, its gone and all you are left with is a bowl full of emptiness. A little too pessimistic, you think? maybe. Honestly reading back I'd second your opinion, but I can't run from the truth can I? That is me. the person I am, what was around couldn't affect my within cause I would never let it go there.
But slowly, as days passed, I could see myself grow from that girl who was in fear of facing emotion to that woman who aced it like a combatant.Involuntarily, I saw my mind letting me feel each emotion, the joy, the laughter, the happiness. It wasn't all cheerful and pleasant, I knew exactly what was coming, the sorrow, the tears, the pain, the black hole that I knew all about which was my reason for anesthesia. I guess my mind knew what was best for me after all.
Yes it all came, it was not easy, it is not easy as a matter of fact. there are tears, a lot of tears-uncalled for, unexpected.Pain, a gushing pain slaying my veins as is runs through. Disappointment lurking from the pitch dark blind spot of my soul.I felt it, everything. It was difficult. Impossible almost. I have never seen myself overtly so expressive. I guess it was just one of those times where the mind knows what you want more than you do.
So yes, I braved it.And I can confidently say, I am a stronger, more mature, more composed individual now that I let loose. I will still have those moments, I know there will still be heart clenching agony but I will let myself feel it all and rise above it.
 You need to get back to shore once in a while to admire the beauty of the sea.I am almost half way there and I am still swimming with my head well above the water, because in the end all that matters most to me, is me.