It's real

It surprises me how strong I've been. Maybe I do under estimate myself after all. Looking back at my older posts and then looking at my latest one, I realize how much I over came and let go off in the past month. All those things That tore me down while erecting walls of steel around my heart;those things that I thought I could never move past, all seem a murky haze now. A phase maybe I won't forget, but a phase that I have now let go. It would be unfair if I took credit for the whole thing.The place I'm at is comforting as I see myself happy. Not for someone else, not for those around me, but happy for Me. All those wounds have healed and all the scabs are lost. He came along like an rainbow in a storm, just to fix everything. Taught me  how to love again and how to trust. Showed me sides of me I've never seen before and gave me love I've never felt before.
I see the walls crumbling to the ground and I see myself being me again. The cynic in me is lost again and I've never been more glad.
thank you for being the person you are.

Such a Panda, you.

Dream

A little of something is always beautiful. a little love, a little laugh, a little smile and a little mystery.
So what is this? I've never felt this way before and it's beautiful. a feeling of excitement, of mystery and small expectations brewing at the back of my mind as each day passes.it makes me so happy and I feel so protected, yet I'm so scared.
you tell me you love me, everyday.It was too soon the first time? I still think so. You're sure you said. You won't stop until you get what you want.
I've never been so loved before, I've never seen or felt love, you said. The way you look at me gives me butterflies in my tummy and even now I get fidgety each time I see you. 
Waiting everyday for the evening cause I know you would be there waiting just to take me home, like a prince would for a princess. You make me feel like a Princess.
Every evening I'd make you take me to a different place to eat. You never say a word or sneer. You smile and wait for me to finish. you wipe the crumbs off my face and then kiss me on the cheek. I trip and tumble and you catch me before I fall. I wobble your bike like humpty dumpty and you get even that sorted. You look at me when no ones looking and you speak the words I leave un spoken.You say the things I never say. You do all those things for me, that no one has ever done before. And all that at the cost of one smile. I thought I knew myself better than anyone else. Until you came along.
You make my life a fairy tale. With finely drawn outlines and beautiful colours to fill up all the empty spaces. Stars so bright and the sky always clear. With everything so perfect and nothing spilled over. You tell a story when you say nothing at all.
I don't know what this is but you got me falling for it. I know what I'm scared of. I'm scared it would all go away. It seems too good to be true.
How can you love me so much?
Like you know me better than I know myself.
Like you love me more than I love myself.


If this is a dream, I never want to wake up. 

 I feel it.

music mind mash

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
life is a maze and love is a riddle.
the broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight
maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time.
Don't tell me you're sorry cause you're not
And baby when I know you're only sorry you got caught
but you put on quite a show, really had me going.
Now that it's all said and done I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down like an old abandoned house.
You tell me your life's been way offline
you're falling to pieces every time.
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same.
But
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger
Stand a little taller
Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone.

Something

Someone told me there is something somewhere for everyone which that someone eventually some how finds.
But what it is, where it's located, How to get there. Nobody knows; Such are the mysteries of life. What a life.
I wonder what that something is that everyone around the world is telling someone about, maybe it's carefree life.
Maybe it is a ray of life sparkles because a glittery life is always the better option, or maybe this something is nothing.
Until that day when I find this something somewhere that someone told me about, I'll be here. My somewhere with little somethings.

I am a Star

Well, here I am, sitting in front of my laptop at 10:19a.m. blogging instead of studying for an exam I am ever so unprepared for; Some how, it doesn't bother me. Nothing seems to bother me and I don't think it's a good thing. I see myself turning oblivious to the world around me and not batting my eye lid a time extra, for anyone. Whether its something I did to myself, or it's the circumstances that took the better of me and this was the only solution, I cannot really tell. You know that feeling, when the pain as abyss as the valley of darkness-unexpected, unforeseen, that immeasurable, epitomizing pain, takes over your view towards everything? NUMB.
Yes, that's what i feel-numb;to the narrowest passage in my body. It hurts so much yet doesn't hurt at all. A part of me seems to die, for each day that I need to put on that mask of happiness and live in false pretense because the world loves looks that are deceiving. Mine, deceiving them indeed.
As much as it hurts to plaster a smile, it takes an equivalent sum of energy to go on an emotional binge that no one around you wants to see and to top it all, knowing that you are being judged through the entire scenario.
Alone Together. Alone, with no one else in our world yet together with each other. The one sentence that could describe all that it was whilst it was. I loved it, every moment, every second and there is no denying that, there is not a single thing in this world that can remove or tamper with any of those memories. No, not even now. It was something special, something like no other, something so envied, so looked upon with awe by those who longed and those who lost. Now I'm in that line that lost. I guess it wasn't a story of 'Happily ever after' but more of a 'Happy while it lasts'.
I think I can find the parts of me that I lost along the way, revive those bits that are numb, cure the bits that are bleeding and maybe even find new bits to fill in the extra space. I have not lost hope and I am certain of that. This is just my time off to heal..

...to become even brighter than the star I was.

words.

non stop. paddle pop. gum drops. sticky mops.
words. random. vague.
certain. specific. meaningful.
happy scene. smiles. laughter. rolling.
tears. crying. sad scene.
fear. disappointment. uncertainty.
pain. hurt. sorrow.
time. fate. destiny.
ambiguous. confusion. dilemma.
muddle. puddle. lost.
hurdles. obstacles. ego.
fear. contempt. anger.
rage. fume. tears.
growth. flowering. maturity.  
Apologies. tears. Forgiveness?

Bursting Balloons

Little did I know that balloons could pop with air!
So, it was one of my closest friend's birthday today and she really wanted helium filled balloons. Susanna and I, being the kindest souls we are, rode all the way from home to cubbon park.Found the balloon man missing.Got his number.Called him.Tracked him down.Bought balloons. Then STOP.

Well, not stop but almost. Us, the two happening individuals, riding at the speed of 60 had to drop to 16 to keep the balloons from popping.Braving nature-nothing but a segment of fantasy.We didn't succeed completely, but only 3 popped out of 20, so props to us!
Ammu absolutely loved it and couldn't believe it. You really should have seen the awe and happiness glistening off her face;it made all the effort worth it.
We ate, we laughed, we ate some more!
Chocolate cake. mac and cheese. cheesy fries.
then to some good music, some funny music and some bizarre videos.
beer for them, cheers for us.

Today was a fun day!
Happy Birthday Ammu! <3